Will I ever be the same again?

I believe that this is a question that gets projected internally in everyone’s mind.  Will I ever be the same again? I myself am a victim of constantly annoying myself with this question.  Will I ever be the same again? After years and years of pain and suffering, unknown to people that surrounded you, and in constant battle with my inner subconscious, I finally got myself the answer. 

 No… I will never be the same.  Heck,  I could never have been the same again no matter how hard I try to. So this is the answer for everyone else too.  Time will heal you.  But this healing you receive will never amount to the endless years of suffering. You cannot be the same anymore. 

Time will pass but you will remember vividly what you had been through.  But I assure you that you will not be feeble and you will not get sucked in anymore. You will remember,  but you will not go back. 

Memory is a part of what being human is.  Your memories are a part of you and they will stay in the back of your head, all the stupid moments, sadness ,  sorrow, sufferings.  .. … Everything.  . You will remember.  They will become a part of you and you will accept them with open arms. 

You have healed.  But you will remember.  You will change.  But you will remember. 

You will never be the same again.  But You will always be You, and the new You will be a better You than any of the You’s from the past. 

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A modern manifesto towards true freedom

Do you ever tell people the true depths of your loneliness?  Like empty shelves and unread books,  a lamp shining with no motive, feeling more and more alienated with each passing day.. 

“…As I sit,  read and write down the memory of dreams; Sometimes it is difficult to find a way back to here and now, or,  to make sense of these reckless thoughts…. I’d rather tell it to the walls, whisper in between its cracks; Tell the story as I draw each..  black….  lines…”

I am homesick for a place I’m not even sure exists, a place where the heart and soul lies and nothing is too strange. 

You know that you’ve reached your limits, when you no longer care about the light at the end of the tunnel. You become plainly sick of the tunnel. 

That’s when you start to realize that there is something beautiful about loneliness. Great intelligence in sadness that seems to tell you a story,  teach you something deep. 

What I am trying to express is much deeper than what words could ever write. It is about giving in to loneliness and letting your soul sink deep into thoughts and just be free. 

Societal pressure provoking orthodox conformists; never giving space for self-realization. 

 Whenever I see couples caring for each other in a way that portraits their love for each other, it brings up the thought that makes me wonder if I would someday find a soul that seeks freedom as much as I do. 

Hope is what keeps me alive. Loneliness is what give me strength. Failure is what makes me persevere. Freedom is what I seek each day. There is no room for the fear of flying alone, because as you go on and on,  people will finally see the beauty of soaring high, see the confidence of your individuality;

 as you become free from what has been holding you back.

A self introduction: Effie

I believe in the dual personality that everyone has. 

My introvert self loves books, they are what makes me feel alive the most, a bookworm at heart since childhood. I also like to call myself an independent writer, whatever comes to my mind, I write.  

My fossil watch as old as any fossil,  a gift from my Ma that I can never part with. 

Mornings become much more alive after a cup of coffee, even better when your mug is as cute as it can be. 

My extroverted face loves to be caked with makeup, brushes that paint my face and showcase an art form. I’m sure you’ll understand how heels are your best friend when you’re not blessed in the height section.

All these are my Music; music which is engraved inside me to the very core.

Red is the color of my soul,  and fragrances the spirit of my personality.

An ambivert,  but inclined towards the introvert side,  that’s what I believe my self introduction signifies.